• Erin Ryan, MSOM, LAc

People Pleasing vs. Kindness

Updated: Oct 6, 2019


Were you taught to be kind growing up?


I know I was. At its core this is such a lovely thing...caring about other people, considering their feelings, learning how to connect and relate in a loving way.

However, what I've noticed is that the line between people pleasing and kindness often gets blurred along the way.

We accept people pleasing is kindness without even knowing it...that they are one in the same...because no one explained the difference (I wonder if they even knew?).

So what is the difference?

People pleasing is all about getting other people's needs met regardless of your own needs.

People pleasing means you make everyone else comfortable, even if it means you have to suffer in silence.

True kindness, on the other hand, includes YOU and acknowledges your needs. So sometimes being truly kind can make other people uncomfortable...not because that's the intent, but because choosing to acknowledge your own needs means you might make a choice that doesn't line up with what others want (or have come to expect) from you.

I've coached a lot of people caught in a people pleasing loop and I noticed something...

How darn guilty they feel when they stop people pleasing and start being truly kind.

If this describes you would you be willing to give even 10% of that guilt up now?

How about 25%?

50%

75%?!

100%?!!!!

Whatever amount you're willing to give up, please give it up now.

Know that it's okay to choose you. It's not people pleasing, it's true kindness.

And you know what?!

Choosing for you is actually the kindest thing you can do for other people too...even if doesn't always feel that way.

Not at first anyway...but it will. <3

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