Purge "I am not enough"


I am not enough...I'm feeling this feeling right now as I write this...


My heart and solar plexus feel like they've been tossed on hot coals...


But they're open...


And open means I'm purging this uncomfortable energy...


The only way I'm able to purge it is by observing the "me" that feels this from a space of ultimate and supreme kindness and compassion.


And in order to truly observe it rather than continue to claim it I have to root myself back in a truth...


(Truth for me is what feels light and expansive.)


The truth that I am enough, I've always been enough, and I will always be enough.


That I was born enough and nothing can change that no matter what I say or do or don't say or don't do.


But I can't just intellectually know this truth to fully heal - I have to be willing to acknowledge and hold space for all of the hidden and secret places within myself that I still don't believe that I am enough.


I have to be wise enough to see that my triggers are my unresolved trauma...


That they are actually a gift showing me the places where unprocessed emotions within me still need to be processed.


To heal and reintegrate this part of me I have to see the me that was bullied, controlled, projected onto, rejected, emotionally abused, abandoned, who endured gaslighting by her family...just because it's uncomfortable is no longer an acceptable reason for me not to let her speak and finally truly be heard.